Thursday, 21 March 2013

A Centre Parcs Story

This morning I had a poorly boy:

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His was tired, his legs weren’t working properly and he wanted me to carry him (yeh right!)  And then the girl came out in sympathy with sore feet, and tears and also wanting a carry.

So after consuming an awful lot of food given that they were supposed to be poorly they retired upstairs to watch Octonauts DVDs and recuperate.

So LB1 and I worked on the story he wrote at Grandma’s last week:

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As you can see it wasn’t actually a story – more a description of Center Parcs!  I talked it over with him for a bit and he decided that was what he was trying to achieve – a description of all of his favourite parts.  Not exactly what I had asked him to do but he wrote with such enthusiasm I didn’t want to discourage him.

Then I picked out the three things I liked about it, and then three things that I thought needed a little bit of work.  He does seem to find any criticism really difficult (Shall I just rip it all up then?!) but I persevered quietly and gently and even he agreed that perhaps his capital letters and punctuation were a little awry, and that perhaps some of the sentences didn’t read clearly and could do with a little tweaking.

So this morning I helped him type some of it up and then left him to tweak away.  After a while I came and read through it again and helped him with some things such as tense and asked questions that weren’t answered in his writing to show him that perhaps he needed to write a little more to make things clear.

He got up to the end of Chapter 3 (although I suggested that the Chapters weren’t necessary) and I’m hoping he’ll do some more work on it tomorrow.  Unfortunately this afternoon LB2 and LG were bouncing with health and I felt really rough so I was not in a position to insist on more work.  This is his effort so far:

The Center Parcs Adventure

We went to Center Parcs for a special treat. Mummy and Daddy were very nice for giving us such a special treat. It cost a lot of money...

When we got to Center Parcs the first thing we did is go straight to the sub tropical swimming paradise. We were all very excited... We went into the upstairs pool but I call it the practise pool because lots of people practise there. It’s always very busy there. At Center Parcs you are not allowed to dive.

There is a secret pool that is a pool that very few know it’s there. The only thing you see of it are the stairs. But I know it very well. Me and my brother S like to play a game called “Swim away from Dad”. The game is where Dad is the shark and me and S are the little fish. There are little seats around the pool and they are what me and S call den. The aim of the game is that me and S swim from den to den trying not to get caught by Dad. If you are quick enough you can get away.

There are four slides at Center Parcs and they are all fast!! The first one is called the Slide it’s a very fast slide were you go straight down and at the end you make a big splash!!!. On the slide there is water coming down so you go extra fast!! The slide is no ordinary slide it’s two slides stuck together so two people can go at the same time.

The next slide is called The Flume. When I go on The Flume I lie on my back. At the end of the ride I scream !!!! The Flume is the fastest slide. The flume is two tube slides side by side. Like the Slide it’s got two slides so two people can go at once. The green flume slide is very bright and is never too dark. It’s the fastest flume slide . The purple flume slide is the dark and you think you are going faster than the green slide when you are not. At the end you make a big splash!!!

The third slide is called Canyon Ride because it’s a big slide. At the end of the slide its 1.2 meters deep that at the end of the slide you feel as if you are going to drown when you do not. When you go into the Canyon Ride it starts of as a tube and then it goes out into the open and at the end you end up in an outside pool!

The last slide is called the mini slide. It might not look like a fast slide when it is. Like all of the other slides at the end you make a big splash at the end of the ride. The mini slide is a short version of the slide but it’s not a double slide. When I go on the mini slide I go on my back!!

As you can see in spite of my best efforts he resisted all encouragement to include any description of what it looked like, how it felt to go down the slide, the sounds – anything really… but I’m still trying!

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